TABLE OF CONTENTS

A FAN'S NOTES

Mourning (the Sadness) finds itself in the in-between. I mean, it (the Sadness) is a stuttering toward a word which will not . . . out. One word—not a word but an acronym for the experience beyond it: DEATH.

Bodies come and go (I am stuttering now) but only in memory, only without pain—not “real” (the memory of that dead person’s alive smell, say) but as flat as demanding no space whatsoever, no reflection whatsoever.

Which images are tolerable in the Sadness? Images that are in between, representative of the Sadness (Mourning) and therefore able to transcend it. One image that is in between: Jaye Davidson. Between colored and not colored, male and female, kindness and not kindness. What a peculiar spelling of a boy’s name—the feminizing “e” on the end: a declaration on its own insistence to . . . what? (I am stuttering now.) Probably some people are born to insist, just by their physicality,

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