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Paul McCarthy’s and Mike Kelley’s Heidi

DEAR HEIDI,

Thank you for the videotape that Mr. McCarthy and Mr. Kelley have made of you and Grandpa and Peter. I was shocked to learn of your family problems—the violence, the incest, the obsessions with bodily functions—for from all outward appearances your life together in Nature had always seemed so idyllic! You say you’re confused—it’s OK to be confused. Who wouldn’t be? The degeneracy of your home environment is grossly incompatible with the storybook image of childhood innocence and purity you have embodied for over a hundred years.

Of course, just as you suspect, the harm you suffer in the clutches of your Grandpa, whose depravity knows no bounds, may well be irreparable. Defenseless children subjected to criminal abuse in time become corrupted and visit upon others the molestation they themselves have been forced to endure. I’m sorry to have to tell you you show signs of malicious

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