TABLE OF CONTENTS

PRINT May 1998

TOP TEN

Jake and Dinos Chapman

London-based artist duo Jake and Dinos Chapman exhibit regularly at the Victoria Miro Gallery. Their work was recently featured in “Sensation: Young British Artists from the Saatchi Collection” at the Royal Academy of Arts.

  1. DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES PORCELAIN DOLL ($195, FRANKLIN MINT)

    Unfortunately, the real Lady Di is no longer with us, but this fine reproduction exquisitely crafted in porcelain captures the radiant blue eyes and shy grimace that touched us all over. Generously adorned in an authentic replica of the designer gown and bolero jacket that were both sold at Christie’s, this facsimile Diana comes beaded with more than 2,000 faux pearls and a sea of faux tears and is complemented with a glittering ex-royal-issue tiara, two matching earrings, a modest overnight clutch bag, and a single full-blown rose. Unlike poor old Humpty Dumpty, all the Mint’s horses and all the Mint’s men have now modeled Diana together again.

  2. A VERY SMALL DELICATE SIMPLETON OIL-PAINTING OF A HOUSE (SATURDAY FLEA MARKET, BROADWAY AND GRAND STREET)

    We acquired this bucolic beauty, situated in an autistic landscape, for one dollar while we were in New York installing our very large Wagnerian farce at Emporio Gargantuan. You can see this little gem of discount Americana in the flesh if you visit the eccentrically diminutive Chapman Fine Arts gallery just off Brick Lane in the plucky East End of London, England, Europe, apples ‘n’ pears, cor blimey me old cocker, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, plug-plug, so what.

  3. HONDA CBR900 RR “FIREBLADE” SUPERBIKE ($10,000)

    It goes vroom, vroooom, vroooooooom, vrooooooooooooom, vrooooooooooooooooooom, vroooooooooom, vroooooooooom,vroooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooom, vrom, vrooooooom, vr, vro, vroooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooom, vroooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooom.

  4. THE MILLENNIUM EIGHTH BLUNDER OF THE WORLD DOME

    Mandlebrot’s arrow of untimely learning curves arch from entrance to exit, proving the classical placebo-parabellum theory that vast architecture littered with oversized sculpture tends to look a lot like a scaled-up version of Peter Mandleson’s messy brat’s playroom—which is definitely less interesting than a 2.50 tab of LSD and an upturned salad bowl, no?

  5. NIETZSCHE AND THE VICIOUS CIRCLE, BY PIERRE KLOSSOWSKI (CHICAGO, $19.95)

    The first untimely English translation for uneducated morons like us.

  6. MAD COW DISEASE OR KROYTZFIELDYAKOBDIZEEZ

    The only truly subversive British cultural phenomenon to have been exported since the Beatles infestation; in the somewhat distant wake of (our own) teenage anxieties about rabies, nuclear holocaust, and Jaws, this neural degenerative disease causes spongiform cells in the brain to balloon and incites cow people to jump over the moon. We know that a strain of the virus loiters waiting as unsuspecting brainfood at the drive-thru Scottish restaurant near our studio, but we’ve kept it quiet because the manager gave us some kinetic plastic toy burgers that have clear perspex domes with a little funny clown who looks like he’s trying to pacify two luridly colored mutant sprites. When you open the burger’s lid, they all begin to move in a queer and lascivious manner not befitting a child’s toy—but we guess that’s the nature of libidinal economics these days, mooooo.

  7. ZEROS AND ONES: DIGITAL WOMEN AND THE NEW SUBCULTURE, BY SADIE PLANT (DOUBLEDAY, $23.95)

    Among other things Plant happily plots the auto-destruct code selected for the male gene by female progenesis. The male gene is predisposed to overinflated, flamboyant displays of heredity health. But rather than this “peacock” effect being determined as an expression of autonomous masculine will or even as a direct consequence of a general form of natural selection, the author suggests that the male gene is trained through the female’s reproductive franchise and that female selection imposes its criteria at the primary level of pre-fetal gene transfer. Filtered through female selection and gene modification, the male gene is reified into a new-and-improved suicidal nature. The volume of the male death drive is intensified so that self-endangerment becomes axiomatic to its attractiveness to the female. In other words, male “use-value” is tied to an auto-extinction mechanism, which is the motive force behind the ambition for the male to propel its own genetic lineage.

  8. COME TO DADDY, APHEX TWIN (WARNER)

    A right old Moebius complex of programmed ear abuse complete with subliminal Anti-Oedipal suggestions that quite nicely loop Zeros and Ones with Aphex Twin’s CD, which is a right old Moebius complex of programmed ear abuse . . .

  9. THE DISCOVERY OF WATER ON THE MOON

    Going into deep space must be thirsty work, and frozen Moon-lollies could possibly taste like space dust, so Centre Pares will be able to colonize vast areas for the Earth’s surplus populations to go and float around in zero gravity until they’re needed. Perhaps after establishing a base camp on the moon, unrestrained American space pioneers will sip rocket fuel from the water’s hydrogen and oxygen and continue on their sassy NASA way to Uranus to mine below its mottled surface for useful Uranus-type minerals.

  10. GAVIN BROWN’S NEW GRAY OVERCOAT.

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