Artforum has invited artists to share a text, image, or video in the immediate wake of the United States presidential election and will be posting their contributions throughout the week.
LORD LOVE the Hot Humpy Dork Party!
When the weather is warm in Berlin there is nothing I adore more than riding on my trusty Dutch girl’s bicycle around the city, art-stalking that rarest of rare breeds, the species affectionately known as the hotus humpyus dorkus. Humpy dorks are generally young men slightly on the diminutive side but not always, who aren't fully aware of their sexual attractiveness and innate overriding charms.
With the recent 2020 election I found myself art-stalking something entirely different and much less sexy. That infamous country formerly known as the United States of America is in desperate need of a makeover of its entire dullard political process. For starters, why not abolish the current crusty political parties and its entire mechanism. Yes, just chuck those unmentionable entities. No country in the modern world is saddled with just two political parties—it’s completely demented.
I realize I am no expert in party politics, but that is no reason to stop me from making unsolicited demands off the crack of my cranium. I hereby propose a Madame DeFarge Party of the righteously vengeful, followed by a Son of a Preacher’s Bitch Party to deal with the environment and ecology, a Reparations and Rectumulgations Party handling the pressing social and cultural sphere, a She Works Hard For Her $Moula Party that prioritizes labor and working-class tissues, and a Hot Humpy Dork Party that’s the standard-bearer of high tech and logistics.
The perfect person to lead the Hot Humpy Dork Party is my current pretty boy crush Laksh Bhasin, an immigrant software engineer and community organizer from the Bay Area. Mr. Bhasin is pure eye-candied divinity who comes out of the Bernie Sanders cult camp. Laksh Bhasin cowrote and spearheaded the passage of California’s Proposition K, which, along with Proposition I’s real estate transfer tax, will make possible European style social housing in San Francisco, a city that is the most expensive place to live in the entire godforsaken country. He also has had major successes promoting down-ballot progressive candidates. Bhasin reminds me of the deliciously dopey stock boy with big feet and hideous tribal tats who is always blocking the aisle at my local REWE supermarket chain.
But getting back to Mrs. 2020 election. The rest of the results ranged from the downright putrid (you know who you are) to the somewhat-encouraging-if-you-look-at-them-in-the-right-light. In so-called liberal California, my home state, the passing of Proposition 22 sets a frightening precedent for labor law by reclassifying gig-economy drivers as a new category of worker, enshrining the newly christened legal designation of “infernally starving and broke ass.” But in another surprising move, the icky conservative state of Florida approved ballot initiative Amendment 2, which raises the minimum wage there to $15.00 an hour. Obviously there’s still a lot of work to do before 2024, so until then I’d love to kiss ya but I just washed my hair.